I’ll finally be happy when…[insert new promotion, romantic partner, accolades, or purchase here]
Maybe it’s that next romance, or moving to a bigger/better house. Surely a promotion will finally satisfy you? Even though you felt certain the VP title you won last year would do the trick? Perhaps you fixate on likes and shares online, but it never fills your cup. No matter how much you give and do, you never feel like enough. Does this sound familiar?
For me it was accomplishments; the more impossible to attain, the harder I pushed. I achieved and achieved. The times I “failed,” the bottom fell out from my mood and overall wellbeing.
Success does not equal happiness
I knew better, too.
My success never lived up to its promise. Every time I’d hit a coveted goal, the satisfaction didn’t last. Self-criticism sabotaged the afterglow of every achievement. For example as LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER’s popularity ballooned, I got a book deal with a major publisher. The book earned features in dozens of magazines, national press, a full-court radio tour, and rave reviews. I hyper-focused on lagging sales. Did we make any bestseller lists? We did. But did we make The New York Times bestseller list?? We didn’t. I’d win, and immediately raise the bar. Over and over.
When my therapist said “Ann, the more successful you get, the more unhappy you become,” the truth hit me head on. Already in therapy, meditating, working out, and doing All The Things, I had no clue how to get myself out of the exhausting negative self-spiral.
Happiness is an inside job. And I can help you.
Defining my self-worth through perceived successes or failures pointed to a major wellbeing weakness: I didn’t truly love myself. I believed I did, in a theoretical way. However, my ego held a non-stop forum in my brain telling me I wasn’t enough, with a million different variations on the theme; you’re not talented enough, you’re self-centered, weak/lazy, a fraud, etc…
Ouch. Uncle. Mercy!
Fortifying my own wellbeing with daily positive psychology and Positive Intelligence practice allows me to love myself — genuinely love myself — and more fully enjoy my life and work. Freeing myself from hyper-focusing on perceived “success” or “failure” allows me to concentrate on honing my skills and building my capacity.
When you’ve had enough, I can help.
You too can make powerful lasting changes in your ability to enjoy life.
In addition to my life coaching practice rooted in positive psychology, I now coach mental fitness in partnership with Positive Intelligence (PQ).
Utilizing an app and 6-week program (individually, or in a pod with others), building mental fitness means strengthening your ability to face life’s challenges with a more positive mindset. My hyper-achiever and inner-critic judge persist, but through Positive Intelligence practice, I more swiftly and effectively shift away from negativity. PQ not only makes me feel calmer and more connected, it brings me more ease and constructive productivity.
I actively use the PQ app myself, and it’s making powerful changes in my life. I notice I’m more patient with my partner and kids, I’m eating more mindfully, and I’m more able to redirect myself productively in anxious or stressful moments. It’s not just a construct – Within 6-8 weeks of mental fitness training, MRI imaging shows actual changes in brain chemistry. Set up a free 30-minute consultation with me to learn more.
